the sadness….

The sadness I saw in my sons eyes yesterday just near broke my heart. 
A couple of weeks ago my middle son Andrew came up to me while I was in my room.
He started off by simply stating he didn’t like me having MS. So our conversation starts full of questions from him, about the why’s, how, will he get it, when will I be in a wheel chair etc etc..
Now this is the 1st time with him that I actually had a serious conversation about MS.. He’s been told about it, knows I’m on meds, and what they are for, but this time we really talked about it.. About what it does to one’s body, how it’s totally unpredictable, and we never know what or when it’s going to happen. That was hard.. My oldest understands, my middle one now does, but my youngest still doesn’t understand.. He just knows mom is sick from MS.. 
 Last night I was lying on my bed waiting for Scott to come in from letting the puppy out to do my shot, and Andrew laid on the bed next to me so sad-looking.. 😦
I asked him what was wrong and he said, ” Mommy, I wish you didn’t have MS.” 
Now we have had this conversation many times before, some of them full long talks others, just short ones.. But this one I knew was going to be different..  his eyes were filled with such sadness…It took all I had not to cry.. So we had another conversation but this time, why did his mommy get MS? Why doesn’t the bad people in the world get the suffering?”
Coming from an almost 13 yr old, the innosence of his statement made him so much older..
He notices things more, I find him watching me now and then to make sure I get up ok, he’ll ask if I need my crutch or if I’m feeling ok..
I worry for him and how this is hurting him.. He’s still a child and should not have to see his mother go through this.. 😦 
Just breaks my heart that my children have to live with MS also….